Day 9 Wee Hours

Priorities and Making Adjustments

Standing up and introducing myself in English at a department meeting in which Japanese is the common language, I think to myself, “Yep, this is going to take some adjusting.”

Technically, it is my second year at my job, but I feel just as new as the teachers who have just joined us. It’s a strange feeling–things being familiar but also new in some areas. People expect me to know what I’m doing, but I only really worked for about four months last year, so some of the things I am doing this semester are new to me.

Balancing work with home is proving a challenge. I knew on an intellectual level that there would be a period of adjustment, but now that I am experiencing the transition, I can see that I’ve got to shift my priorities.

This is the second day, I’ve missed shadow work. I tried to focus earlier tonight, but ended up dozing off because I am just too exhausted by ten or so at night. Shadow work has got to be done in the morning, but waking up at 3 or 4AM to feed the baby makes doing shadow work in the morning nearly impossible. Something has got to give.

Already, I can feel myself slipping into bad habits; putting my needs last and compromising the promises that I’ve made to myself. It’s easy to short change myself. I don’t have anybody holding me accountable to the vows I’ve made to myself. The world is not going to end because I neglected to love myself, right?

Well, no, the world is not going to end, but my world will continue to be dim, dull, and blurred at the edges. I will continue to treat life as if I’m waiting for something big and spectacular while my children grow up and I get older. Now is the time to start living my life, and the way to fully live my life and to have all that I desire is to learn to love and accept myself.

So I ask the question, “What would someone who loved themselves do?” the answer is clearly, “Prioritize shadow work. Everything else comes after that.” So, starting tomorrow, shadow work comes first.Now, I’ve got to get some sleep.

 

 

 

 

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