Day 10 10:51 PM

Long days and short nights have taken their toll. I’m exhausted. This will be short but sweet.

My shadow work this morning revealed to me that meeting my needs will lead to a more calm and peaceful state of mind. I was feeling anxious this morning, and I traced the feeling back to its original source–me as an infant in a crib crying for milk. My adult self gave my inner infant a bottle and rocked her to sleep telling her she would never want for anything again and would always be held close, safe and warm in my arms forever. When I opened my eyes I felt more at ease, and I realized how my anxiety is linked to a fear of not having my needs met. It seems so obvious, but when you spend most of your life neglecting your own needs, desires, and intuitions, it is easy to forget this simple but important fact.

I find that when I do shadow work in the morning, I am a lot more grounded during the day. I am also more aware of what I need and want and more in tune with my inner guidance system.

I start teaching again on Friday. I’m excited, but apprehensive. I wonder how it will be after months of not teaching. I imagine it will take some getting used to, but I’m psyched about getting back into it.

I’ve been living in a little bubble for far too long. In my mind, I’ve had one way conversations about the things that matter to me. I talk with my husband, but it’s a bit like preaching to the choir. I am wondering what others think. I’m looking for people who disagree with me so that I can learn more about my positions on things.

With so many different teachers working around me, I imagine things will be very interesting this semester. Usually, I stay quiet and avoid giving my opinion for fear it might offend others, or it might make me sound like a ninny. My biggest fear is being judged and found lacking by my peers. However, this semester, things are going to be different. I’m going to say what I have to say, stick my neck out, and do what I can to learn more, do more, and be more than just a nice agreeable person.

It will be interesting to see how it all turns out.


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