Day 16 12:17AM

Delving Into the Shadows Letting in the Light

Life on the other side is sublime. Having delved into the shadows where my disregarded and abandoned emotions dwell ever waiting to return to the source and to integrate to bring back pieces of my truth, I have discovered an over flowing eternal fount of light so brilliant it outshines the sun. Words cannot describe the changes that I have gone through internally since I began shadow work and the 365 Days of Self Love process created by Teal Swan.

I have had moments of bliss before, but they have been short lived, and although it has only been a little over two weeks since I began this little experiment, this time feels different. I am different. I speak with a clearer more confident air. When I need something, I do what I can to graciously get by needs met. No longer do I worry about inconveniencing others. No longer do I hesitate to listen to that still small voice directing me on my path.

Today’s shadow work was wonderful. I started out focusing on the process rather than on the goal. I focused on things I was hearing, feeling, and smelling in the present. As I did this, I started feeling anxious, or antsy. I stayed in this emotion, experiencing the feeling of being pulled by the fear that I was missing something really important and a feeling of being powerless to do anything about it.

After a time, a traced the emotion back to its origin. I had been a young elementary student probably seven or eight and I had missed the bus. I was sitting at the bus stop dreading having to go home and call my mother and tell her. I was also apprehensive about arriving to class late, and diminished by the idea of being humiliated in front of my peers. I was stuck and unable to move too frightened to face the consequences.

My adult self approached my inner child, and told her that she was in complete control of her situation. I explained to her that she had the power to create the life she wanted; she had only to believe in her ability and do what needed to be done to make it happen, and I told her that she could make it happen. I felt my inner child accept this and felt myself changing a fundamental core belief which was:

I have no control over my situation and that things happen to me. I am a passenger in life and when things go right I’m lucky and when things go wrong it’s because I’m a bad person.

This was instantly changed to:

I am in complete control of my life. I have the ability and the power to create the life that I want to have. I can make things happen in my life. I only have to do what needs to be done and trust myself and pay attention to my emotions to make the necessary decisions and actions to meet my needs and realize my desires. I can navigate any situation and meet any challenge that comes my way for I have the tools I need to ask for help and think critically.

The day that emerged after this change in my core belief was nothing short of amazing. I got everything I needed to get done, and was able to do some things I had wanted to do for some time now, and along the way, magic happened.

Closing a bank account I had opened seven months ago in order to pay for my daughter’s kindergarten tuition, I was happy to discover a lot more money than I had thought was in there. The amount was enough to allow me to put aside extra money for savings and buy some fabulous clothes to help me look fantastic this semester.

I went to the big city and heard a local artist playing pleasantly melodic music on his electric violin. I bought his CD happy to have the chance to support a local artist. On the train, an elderly woman engage me in conversation, something very rare in Japan where people don’t speak to strangers as a rule.

At work, I opened my email to find correspondences regarding plans that had been put on hold for several days that were giving the green light to go ahead just in time. Arriving home from work and round two of a five step root canal, I came home to some confusion that arose around my daughter’s elementary school.

My husband and I have enough Japanese to carrying on light conversation, but not enough to read or to understand technical matters or things like my daughter’s elementary school schedule and the expectations the school has of us not to mention the reams of paper work we have to fill out. It was her second day, and we were facing some pretty big challenges that we could not overcome on our own.

Less than half an hour after getting home and in the midst of talking to my husband about this mess we were in there was a knock at my door. Our neighbor who lives upstairs and who speaks fluent English caught wind of our predicament. She came over to help us out. She went through the paperwork and explained everything we needed to do. This woman does not have children elementary school now, so I have no idea how she knew what was going on, but she looked like an angel to me as she explained all of our paperwork.

A fellow blogger has a blog called The Trail Provides. I couldn’t help thinking about her About page where she talked about finding something she needed on the trail during a hiking trip. Today the trail provided in abundance and I was overcome with gratitude for all that I have and all that I am capable of. I am grateful for all the people who reached out to me today, and who have reached out to me in the past.

I have experienced wonderful things in these last couple weeks, and this is just the beginning. The book I ordered by Teal Swan arrived today! It should give me a lot of tips and new tools for my toolbox of self-love and empowerment. I anticipate wonderful things to come.

I wish you all the wonderful things that are well within your reach. May you find all that you seek and more than you could ever have imagined.

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