Day 18 4PM

5 Commitments to Loving Myself More (inspired by the exercise in “Shadows Before Dawn: Finding the Light of Self-Love Through Your Darkest Times” page 86

  1. Whenever someone I love does or says something that hurts or upsets me, I will tell them how I feel.
  2. I will express my opinion whenever I feel it is necessary and appropriate.
  3. I will write every day.
  4. I will limit myself to one sweet a day, and I will be physically active at least five times a week.
  5. I will do shadow work every day and keep a journal of my progress.

These are the 5 commitments I have made that align with my decision to treat myself better and in a way that shows that I deserve love. I have already begun to honor one and two. I told a coworker who said something that made me feel judged how I felt, and did so in a way that I believe was loving and compassionate. I also expressed my opinion about an issue that means a lot to me at the moment from a perspective that I haven’t heard and I felt needed to be said. I did this in a public forum in which people who know me, close and friends and family included would have access to it.

I feel apprehensive. I have rarely expressed my opinion about something this close to me before. It is uncharacteristic of me. I’m usually either agreeable or silent. I am uncomfortable with putting myself out there. This blog is different because I’m somewhat anonymous.

I am both excited and terrified about publishing my opinion on social media. I’m most afraid that no one will comment on it. I think that would be worse than if people hated it because at least I would be heard. I guess I’m afraid of not being heard and that my fears of insignificance would be realized. On an intellectual level I know that people not commenting on something I posted on a social media site is not related to my significance as a human being, but there are still parts of me that have not experienced love and acceptance.

I want to have people in my life who accept and embrace all sides of me. I want to be with people around whom I feel safe to express myself fully and to be authentic. To achieve this, I must embrace and accept all parts of myself. These feelings of insecurity tell me that there is still much to be done in shadow work. Tonight I’ll explore the part of me that is afraid of not being heard and of being insignificant.

I will let you know how everything turns out. I wish you all the best in your endeavors as well.

 

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