A Visit With Friends in the Country
Yesterday, which was day 28 of my “365 Days of Self-Love” challenge, was a wonderful day. We spent the day with a couple who live in a rural town just two stops west of our place. Their place is a little slice of heaven. They have traditional Japanese home, with a garden with a little bamboo forest just beyond the boundaries of their backyard. The husband, a mild mannered deep thinking man from England, took us to the local shrine which was nestled in a grove of trees. The shrine consisted of three little buildings made of wood. We could hear the chirping of three different birds, and the wind gently blew through the trees. We stopped and watched as the bamboo bent and swayed in the wind. Our friend stopping to admire the surroundings a smile on his face and a glass of wine in his hand, tells us how much he loves it there and how he never wants to leave.
Over a lunch of wine, cheese, various and sundry meats grilled to perfection, we talk about various topics ranging from neurolinguistics to the music that we are into these days. I watch as my husband engages in conversation with our friend from England. They talk about his home, and I listen without judgment as my husband talks of our dreams to own a home saying that if we could afford one, we’d like a home in the country.
As I hold tight to my little son who is wonderingly gazing at the garden with eyes of a being who does not know limits or boundaries, who hasn’t learned that his world is separate from all he perceives, I think of how life would be like if we could look at our desires and our dreams in that same way. What would it sound like if my husband believed that getting a house in the country was as simple as just doing the work to get it, and that was all it would take. In my husband’s voice and the way he spoke of our desire to have a house seemed as if he didn’t feel that we deserved our own slice of paradise, and I was a little sad.
I believe we will have a house, and that it only takes the desire and taking action towards fulfilling those desires to get a house. Everything I’ve ever truly desired has come to pass. I married my husband, I had two children, I moved to Japan twice, I received a Master’s degree, I am now doing a job that I love, and it is all because I always knew they would happen; I just needed to do the work.
However, when you are sharing a life, and sharing a dream, it’s a little more complicated. I find myself being pulled down by my husband’s belief that he does not deserve the things he wants. As I have taken on the challenge to love myself, and to focus on the possibilities of life, our different perspectives have become even more obvious. When I look at my husband I see so much potential, a multi-talented and highly intelligent man, he could be anything he wanted to be, but he behaves as if he does not deserve to have anything in life. I know he has only to believe in himself and the world will open up to him in ways that would astound him.
What do you do when your life partner has forgotten all that he or she can be? What do you do when you are on a path to great and wonderful things, and you are standing in the light of possibility, and your significant other is still in the shadows of doubt and uncertainty and self-hatred? You know that there is absolutely nothing you can say or do that is going to get them to where they need to be. You know you can only encourage and inspire, and have faith that they will catch up with you. Teal Swan has an excellent video on YouTube about this catch-up effect. She says that you just have to focus on yourself and believe that your loved one will want to continue to be with you enough that they will catch up.
That is my hope. It is my desire that as I continue to work on myself and change my core beliefs and as I learn to love myself, my husband, the man with whom I want to spend every day of my life, will catch up.
How about you? Do you have a person in your life who is not in the same space as you are? What do you do? I’d love to hear your thoughts below.