Going Full Circle
The following has been inspired by Teal Swan’s “Shadows Before Dawn: Finding the Light of Self-Love Through Your Darkest Times,” “Tool #9 pages 141-148.
So, this Sunday I was planning to throw a joint birthday party for two family friends. Unfortunately, today things fell apart. A lot of it has to do with cultural misunderstandings which then led to miscommunication. Before, I used to just spend hours beating myself up and feeling really bad when things like this happened. However, now that I am committed to being better to myself, I have decided to process this whole mess using one of the exercises from Teal’s book. It is about going through all the major emotions, anger, pain, fear, understanding, and love. So, here goes:
I am angry at myself because I had plenty of time to contact my friends and let them know about the party, and there is no excuse for waiting until the last minute to tell everyone about the party. Why do I always do this!? I have a great plan and everything is going well and then I mess it up by procrastinating or forgetting major details like inviting the guests! How stupid could I be?! It’s not the first time I’ve held a party! I could have told people with plenty of time, but instead I just dropped the ball! What an idiot! I can’t believe I did this. When am I going to learn? Now it’s too late to make this right, and it’s all because I was too busy doing who knows what to invite everyone to the party on time. I’m angry that I let my fear of not being able to communicate in Japanese get in the way of contacting the other guests. Now most of the people cannot go because of the short notice, and I am the only one to blame. If I cared about my friends I would have done what needed to be done regardless of my poor Japanese to make a wonderful birthday party for them. What kind of friend am I?! I’m a terrible friend! I wouldn’t be surprised if they never wanted to speak to me again.
I feel so sad because now I cannot give my friends the birthday party I wanted to give them. I had plenty of time to plan and invite everyone and make this a wonderful weekend, but now things are just ruined. I am hurt because I’ve disappointed one of my dearest friends. She’s been in my life for a long time and she’s always been there for me. She never once let me down and she deserved better than this. I am especially hurt because I have deprived myself of the chance to show my friend how much I love and appreciate her. Now the fact that I put off inviting people to her party will always color things even if I do make it up to her. I lost this chance, and although others will come, I have missed this particular chance. I will always regret that.
I’m afraid that I will lose my friends because of this mess. If I don’t lose their friendships, I might have lost their respect and their trust. I am scared that they are going to see me as unreliable and flaky. I’m afraid that if I try to fix this by rescheduling the party, my friends will feel resentful about all this and decide not to go to the rescheduled party. I’m afraid there will be bad blood between us, or things will be awkward.
I understand that I made an honest mistake and that I did not do anything mean or intentionally hurtful. I regret that I did not invite everyone sooner, but I am doing everything I can to make things right. I hope that my friends will forgive my inaction and that we will be able to reschedule the party and have a good time despite the mess I made of this.
I promise to do whatever I can to make this right. I have the best intentions deep down and I forgive myself for not doing what I needed to do to make this party happen this Sunday. I know my friends are forgiving and understanding and that they will not hold this against me or hold a grudge about this. I have faith that things will work out. I will be more diligent in the future.
That was really great. I was able to go through all of my emotions about this and now I am not weighed down by guilt, and I do not feel the need to beat myself up about it. I recommend this for anyone who is upset about something. Teal also recommends this for conflict resolution as well. I use this process with my husband and my daughter when we have a problem. It really works well with my daughter because she is able to express all of her emotions, and in the end we are able to resolve our issues lovingly.
Until next time, I wish you all the very best.