Day 49

Out of The Shadows Comes the Warm Glow of Peace

Imagine if you will, a tiny infant alone and cold. Her soft tender back is against a hard surface. She has been taught through the actions and words of her caregiver that she is a burden, a pain, a necessary evil. She has been handle with harsh and cruel hands that have touched her only to change a diaper, or get her to sleep, or to stop crying, or to feed her. She has rarely been cuddled, or cooed at or sung to. The eyes she sees looking down at her are filled with a range of unpleasant emotions from disgust, exasperation, anger, resentment to hatred. Time and time again she has experienced the unpleasant sensations of being pinched, shaken, and harshly placed on various hard surfaces that have resulted in her head hurting or her shoulders aching. She does not know how to articulate this because she is an infant, but all she can sense is an overwhelming need to be loved; she needs tenderness, and this need manifests as an incessant wale. However as much as she cries out, she is met with harsher treatment until finally she is left cold and alone, crying out for love and affection into the darkness forever.

This was the source of my loneliness. This crying infant neglected and alone in a harsh cold place relentlessly asking to be loved, to be held, and to feel the warmth and tenderness of loving hands. Tonight, during shadow work, I answered her call. In my mind’s eye, I stepped into that cold dark place, and I looked at the child. In hushed docile tones I told her how beautiful she was. I told her she had big, beautiful brown eyes, and an adorable little button nose, soft touchable skin, and soft curly hair. She was fascinated by my presence watching me with big curious eyes. I asked her if she’d like a massage.

I placed oil in my hands and rubbing them together to warm them I infused the oil with love and adoration. I massage her leg gently and firmly turning my hand from the top of her thigh to her soft little ankle, as I did this, I, the adult, felt the sensation of being touched. It was as if I had been touched for the first time. I was surprised and moved when I felt a tear on my left cheek. So touched by this obviously physical response to a purely emotional experience more tears followed. As my adult self gently massage my inner infant, I felt the sensations of being caressed and massaged; I felt gentle hands patting my belly, and caressing my cheeks, and like someone who had never experienced that kind of tenderness, I was moved by the sensations of being so completely loved and cared for.

When my adult self was done massaging my inner infant, she picked her up and cradled her in her arms holding her close to her chest, and I felt the sensation of being held. As my adult self held her she promised her that she would always feel loved and adored. She whispered to her that she was precious to her and that she would always be surrounded by warmth and love. I felt joy and peace, and as my inner infant merged with my adult self I felt as if I were being filled with love and peace; I opened my eyes. At this moment, as I type, I feel loved. I feel happy, and the loneliness I felt; the loneliness that I’ve felt most of my life is gone and in its place is the undeniable belief that I am loved.

I wish you the undeniable belief that you are loved and the incredible sense of peace that comes with it. Until next time, I wish you all the best.

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