Day 50

Riding the High of Self Love

So in my last post I described how I rescued the inner infant that was the source of my loneliness, and I am happy to say that the loneliness is still gone and I feel loved for the first time in a long time. This morning I had Dido’s song “Thank you,” playing in my head. I realized that I had no idea what the music video meant until last night. In the song, the speaker is describing all these bad things that are happening to her, and yet she is completely unaffected because she feels loved. That’s how I felt today when I overslept, and kind of started my day in a less than ideal way. Before I would have been really stressed out, but today, with the massive weight of loneliness lifted, I went through my day smiling and feeling as if I were floating on air.

It’s a wonderful feeling, and now instead of feeling fear and despair when thinking about my future, I feel hopeful and excited. I honestly feel physically lighter than I have ever felt. I have a different perspective on things that once disappointed me. Before when I was disappointed, felt under valued, or unimportant to people whom I valued, it was devastatingly painful. This of course was my inner infant begging to be loved and cared for. Now that she is being nurtured and feels loved, I no longer feel so down when things don’t go well in my social life. Sure I’m disappointed and a little sad, but I recover from those emotions much quicker than I did when such disappointments evoked the deep seeded loneliness born of the neglect and abuse I experienced as an infant. Now that I have reintegrated that part of myself that was stuck in the past, I am more present in the present. I feel fantastic.

I know I still have a long way to go, and there are still parts of myself that are still waiting in the shadows sending out signals to let me know my work has only just begun, but for now, for a little while, I am going to bask in the warm glow of feeling loved.

Wishing you all the best.

 

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