A Circle of Friends
I have friends and I am grateful for them, but I cannot deny the fact that I am very disappointed with my social life. I usually see my friends once or twice a year and some of them live very close to me. I would like to have friends who enjoyed spending time with me enough to make time to see me more than once or twice a year. I want people in my life who want to maintain a meaningful and close relationship with me, and I don’t think it is possible to do so if we only see each other once or twice a year, especially when it is usually at a party which makes it difficult to have a deep, meaningful conversation.
It is hard to write this because it admits that at 38 years old I have not managed to maintain a meaningful and deep relationship with anyone other than my husband. However, as I have committed to loving myself and meet my needs, I am allowing myself the desire to have meaningful and deep relationships with other adults outside of my family. I am admitting that I have a need, and that the friendships that I have although much appreciated and very valuable to me are not enough. The people with whom I have invested so much time and emotional energy for whatever reason are unable to meet my need for human connection. I am not angry with them or resentful, but I am sad. I am deeply saddened that feel unloved, undervalued, and insignificant in my current friendships. Well, those days are over.
There are people in my life who can give me what I need. There are people who love and respect me and want to commit to maintaining a relationship where we meet on a regular basis. There are people out there who would love to sit down with me and talk about life, the universe, and everything over a cup of tea. There are people who would like to share their ideas about parenting and living in a foreign country, and commiserate with me over the frustrations of being an adult child in a country whose language and culture continues to elude you despite the ten years you have spent there. Somewhere there is a woman whose parenting philosophy includes protecting her children’s psyche, helping them self-actualize through example. There is someone who is also asking the really big questions and getting a kick out of the adventure that comes with seeking the answers, and would love for me to join them on their journey.
I know you’re out there. I am open to meeting you whoever you are, and I am looking forward to experiencing life with a circle of friends.
Until next time, I wish all of you the very best.