Day 51

A Circle of Friends

I have friends and I am grateful for them, but I cannot deny the fact that I am very disappointed with my social life. I usually see my friends once or twice a year and some of them live very close to me. I would like to have friends who enjoyed spending time with me enough to make time to see me more than once or twice a year. I want people in my life who want to maintain a meaningful and close relationship with me, and I don’t think it is possible to do so if we only see each other once or twice a year, especially when it is usually at a party which makes it difficult to have a deep, meaningful conversation.

It is hard to write this because it admits that at 38 years old I have not managed to maintain a meaningful and deep relationship with anyone other than my husband. However, as I have committed to loving myself and meet my needs, I am allowing myself the desire to have meaningful and deep relationships with other adults outside of my family. I am admitting that I have a need, and that the friendships that I have although much appreciated and very valuable to me are not enough. The people with whom I have invested so much time and emotional energy for whatever reason are unable to meet my need for human connection. I am not angry with them or resentful, but I am sad. I am deeply saddened that feel unloved, undervalued, and insignificant in my current friendships. Well, those days are over.

There are people in my life who can give me what I need. There are people who love and respect me and want to commit to maintaining a relationship where we meet on a regular basis. There are people out there who would love to sit down with me and talk about life, the universe, and everything over a cup of tea. There are people who would like to share their ideas about parenting and living in a foreign country, and commiserate with me over the frustrations of being an adult child in a country whose language and culture continues to elude you despite the ten years you have spent there. Somewhere there is a woman whose parenting philosophy includes protecting her children’s psyche, helping them self-actualize through example. There is someone who is also asking the really big questions and getting a kick out of the adventure that comes with seeking the answers, and would love for me to join them on their journey.

I know you’re out there. I am open to meeting you whoever you are, and I am looking forward to experiencing life with a circle of friends.

Until next time, I wish all of you the very best.

3 thoughts on “Day 51

  1. Your needs are reasonable and sometimes life runs along with us that by the time we know it there are gaps left to be filled. The best of luck with the right circle of friends. They are out there or in here somewhere 🙂


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