Day 79

When in Doubt

I spent most of the day questioning my motivation wondering why I would think about changing my career questioning my sanity. I asked myself the hard questions digging deep to get to the heart of the matter. What I found out surprised me.

I realized that the fear of failure and humiliation was no longer big enough to hold me back and keep me from trying. I want to grow and expand and experience things I have never experienced. I want to know what it would be like to write and publish a book, and go after my dreams and do the things until now I’ve only allowed myself to dream about. Despite the very real possibility of rejection and failure, I want to at least try.

I want more in my life than just the familiar. I don’t want to go through motions anymore. I used to think that my motivation was fame and the recognition and adoration that comes with that, but that is just fantasy and I really have no control over whether my ideas are accepted. However, I do have control over what I get out of the experience; I have control over whether or not I write the book and publish it, and I have control over what I get out of the experience. There is so much opportunity for growth in leaving Japan and trying something completely different and out of my comfort zone.

That’s why I am doing what I am doing, and when in doubt that is what I am going to tell myself. Just by making the decision to change, and giving myself permission to follow my heart I have succeeded and no matter what I am guaranteed to gain something awesome from this experience, win or lose, sink or swim, I get to finally live, and isn’t that what were here to do?


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