Day 104

My Path to Acceptance-A Closer Look

The idea of acceptance is an appealing one. Living life with no worries and complete faith that everything good or bad happens for a reason and that that reason is benevolent is a liberating notion. However, it is not an easy notion to live with. There is always a “what-if” in the back of my mind, and that “what-if” is related to complacency.

Acceptance has seemed to me to be a choice to let go and not try to change things. This has always been a sticking point for me where acceptance is concerned because I have always been afraid that if I adopt that stance I will stay exactly as I am without changing. On careful consideration, I realize the absurdity of this fear. I don’t think you could live without changing a little; we are always changing. However, I cannot help thinking that if I accept every aspect of myself, I won’t be motivated to change the aspects that I currently don’t like. The truth behind this fear is my tendency to be a perfectionist.

As I have discussed in this blog before, I am learning to let go of a harmful core belief that if I am perfect, I will be worthy of love. This is a tenacious belief that I am slowly changing, but there are still aspects of myself that need that belief to be true. It is this belief that I must be perfect to be loved that is keeping me from fully accepting who I am exactly as I am right now.

I know that self-acceptance is my key to unconditional self-love, and that once I learn to let go of the idea that I must be flawless to be accepted, I will feel so much better and I will be more open to people who will love me for me. More importantly, I will be more aware of those people because I will be one of them. This knowledge motivates me to take steps in the direction of self-acceptance, and that’s a good start.

I realize that I am just at the beginning of this, and that it’s going to take baby steps, but I am open to moving at a slow and steady pace. There is no rush here. I have the rest of my life no matter how long or short that might be to learn to adopt an attitude of acceptance. I’ve already begun the process. I start with daily mediation and keeping a gratitude journal. I write at least three things I am grateful for in my journal every morning. In addition, I write my vision for the day. Until it becomes second nature to me, my vision always includes acceptance. Every entry starts with I will accept what is and be open to whatever comes my way. Throughout the day, when I lose sight of that vision, I repeat those words until I am aligned with the energy of acceptance.

I love that energy. It is like settling in and receiving all that I am meant to receive. It is a feeling of complete faith in the benevolent nature of the universe and trust in my innate ability to sense that nature. It is a calm and peaceful feeling; one of clarity and purpose. It is steady, gentle, and profound.

It is a feeling I want to adopt as my base. I want it to be my default. Certainly, I will experience all emotions, but it is that sense of acceptance to which I always want to return. Currently, it is a sense of anxiety to which I go back; however over the past few weeks that I have been practicing the art of acceptance, I have found that more often than not, I can switch from an anxious state to a calm accepting state more easily than before, and I can stay in that tranquil state for longer periods of time. I am confident that with practice and more shadow work, my fundamental energy will shift to from that of uneasy dread to that of peaceful acceptance.

If you are like me and you struggle with perfectionism and the uneasiness that comes with believing that your life will be a mess if you do not have control over everything, it is my sincere wish that you find that calm serenity that comes from knowing that you are okay just the way you are.

Peace.

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