Day 172

To Compromise or not to compromise

Last weekend, I told my husband I didn’t want to extend my contract next year, which would mean we would have to leave Japan next spring. I explained to him that I was ready for the next step and I didn’t want to let the fear of poverty stop me from moving forward. Not surprisingly, he did not like the idea of leaving in about six months. He suggested we compromise, and leave in the spring of 2018 instead. This did not feel like a compromise.

Usually in a compromise each person sacrifices something so that neither is completely happy with the results, but both benefit from the decision in some way. I don’t think I will benefit from staying another year. It feels like I’m losing and he’s winning.

I want to return to Colorado because on my trip I noticed that my parents and Doug’s parents aren’t getting any younger; some of my family members are in very poor health, and I am tired of missing out on holidays and special occasions with my relatives. More importantly, I want my children to have close relationships with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. That is difficult to do when they live thousands of miles away. These sacrifices are no longer acceptable to me, and to stay another year, means missing out on more big events. More than anything, staying another year feels like denying my needs yet again, something I don’t want to do.

I think my husband understands that, but to him sacrificing time to save some money so that we don’t end up poverty stricken when we go back is more important. I understand where he is coming from. I don’t want to be poor, and I certainly don’t want to be a financial burden on our relatives either. However, I plan to have another source of income before we leave, and I have faith that we will be okay, especially with the network of people back home. However, these things offer very little comfort to my husband who would rather we had as much money saved up as possible before we leave, and to him, that cannot be accomplished in six months.

So, he suggests a compromise of just staying one more year. I fail to see what I gain from that, but maybe there is something…or maybe, I can state my case more convincingly. Maybe, I can show him that it doesn’t have to mean that we are going to be impoverished if we leave Japan too soon. That is what I’ve decided to do. I’m not ready to compromise just yet. I am ready to fight.

Wishing you all the best.


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