Day 185

Something’s Not Quite Right

At my job, I am a member of a committee that is in charge of thoughtful gestures, such as congratulating someone on the birth of a child or saying farewell to staff and teachers who are leaving. One of the teachers in our office has been having health issues. She walks with a cane, and she’s in a lot of pain and has been missing classes or coming in late to classes. I was concerned, and asked the members of the committee if they felt there was anything we could do to help her. To this inquiry both replied, “Aren’t we already helping her out? People help her when they see that she needs it. What more can be done?” This is a great question. What more can be done?

I thought about it, and I realized that there really isn’t more that can be done. The teacher in question keeps to herself, chats with different teachers on occasion, but for the most part, her presence is pretty scarce. She has chosen to lay low and not be present in the office, so there really isn’t more that we can do.

So why is my inner voice telling me more can be done? I guess I feel like she is on the periphery of our community. People treat her well, but I don’t feel that we really reach out to her. I guess I’d like for us to do more than just hold the door for her, or carry her books when she goes to class. I guess I’d like us to care more about her, but to do so would be an invasion of her privacy and rather meddlesome.

So this is where I have to delve deep. Is there a part of me that needs care? Am I projecting? This is something to explore because having voiced my concern and gotten the feedback I did from my committee members, I feel a little foolish. This whole thing; my desire to spread love and compassion every where I go just seems off. It just doesn’t seem quite right.

So now what? I’m feeling really lost, and out of my element. Is this really my path? Is this really what I want to be doing? I honestly do not know.

Well, I’m definitely not giving up. This was my first attempt at following my heart. I knew it wouldn’t be easy and that there would be false starts and non-starters in the case of the teacher, and that the awkwardness is part of the journey.

Today was a bit of a disappointment. I had low energy and I just felt off. I’m not sure what that means, but I think I will just sit with it and see what this discomfort has to teach me.

Wishing you all the very best.


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