Day 320

Putting Myself Out There

So becoming a coach is like not being able to swim, and standing at the deep end of a pool contemplating diving in–will I sink or swim?

There are so many anxieties around this whole process. I had my first teleclass today and it was pleasant, but I couldn’t help comparing myself to the other trainees. They all seemed to have coaching experience, and the instructor talked as if we were all experienced coaches. It was intimidating at first, but I took a deep breath and said, just listen and learn, which was great because the class was about powerful listening.

After the class, as part of the graduation requirements, I had to post my reflections on the course forum. Not knowing exactly what to do, I just created a new post and wrote about my impressions, sharing the reflections from the class module. Shortly after that, I messaged two potential peer coaches, and introduced myself to my study group. The whole time I felt vulnerable and exposed. I kept thinking, “Am I doing this right?”

With no clear guidelines as to what to do and how to proceed, this process is a bit scary. However, it is good. I am autonomous. There’s nobody saying how I should do this; I know the requirements; I just need to fulfill them in my way. It’s finding my way that is anxiety inducing.

Venturing into new territory sheds light on so many uncomfortable truths. My inner children are screaming for my attention. I hear them, but I am not quite ready to meet their needs. I’m frozen by fear.

I know I have the tools I need to integrate these parts of myself I had abandoned, or that are trapped in the past due to trauma. I know what to do, but I’m rusty. When I started this journey I delved deep into the recesses of my psyche almost every day, but now, I avoid those unexplored parts of myself. It will be like starting for the first time.

Well, the vacation’s over. Time to get back into the swing of things; time to make my needs a priority. Time to get to work.

It’s a labor of love of course. More to come.


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