Day 321

Can I really be more than I am right now?

This post is going to be short, as I have a long day tomorrow and it’s after midnight here. I’ll just touch on a fear that has been occupying my thoughts since I made the commitment to start coach training. It is the fear of not being good enough. It’s the fear that I’ve peaked and it’s all down hill from here. I’m just fooling myself that I could ever be more than I am right now. It’s actually a rather new fear; one I haven’t been up against before.

I’ve always gone after my dreams with complete faith in a successful outcome, so to pursue this dream and to be met with self-doubt is quite off putting. I know I have the tools to delve deep and get to the source of this fear. However, I’m afraid to investigate too deeply because I don’t know if I’ll like where the journey takes me. Nevertheless, I am compelled to go forward even though what might be lurking in the shadows could reveal a truth I am not prepared to face. What compels me, you might ask? Well, it’s the promise of progress and moving forward because right now I’m just standing still, and that isn’t where I want to be. And so, although my legs are shaking and my breath is caught in my throat, I take the first step back into the shadows.

More to come.

Peace.

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