Day 319

110 days later…

I’m back after a very long impromptu hiatus. To those of you following this blog, I apologize for my absence. Life just got really busy.

Where to begin? Well, my aunt passed away in November. I went to her memorial service, which was beautiful. It was a family reunion of sorts. My three siblings and I spent some time together after what must have been years. My decision to go to the memorial was a last minute one, but after hearing my mother describe her plans for the ceremony, I knew in my heart that I would regret not being there to see it, so two weeks before the service, I did what I could to be there. It was only for a weekend (I left on Friday night and returned on Monday night). I’m glad I gave myself permission to go back. It strengthened my sense of self-love allowing myself to honor my aunt’s memory with my relatives.

On top of my aunt passing away, my daughter started really struggling in school.  She can’t seem to learn the material, and she has trouble paying attention, staying in her seat, and working with her classmates. My husband and I think she has ADHD, and we’ve had her talk to a counselor, who confirms our suspicion; however our counselor is not qualified to diagnose our daughter in Japan because she was licensed in California. Anyway, we’ve been trying to get her evaluated by someone who is qualified, but up until recently, we were under the impression that the process started with her school making a referral.

After several meetings over the course of three months, I have recently found out that we were wrong about that. In fact the school has no authority in the matter. I wish I had known that weeks ago. I was so frustrated and disheartened by the whole thing. But that’s water under the bridge now.

The experience with my daughter’s school and my aunt’s passing has made it clear to me that I have got to stop talking about change and actually do something. So, I recently enrolled in an online program for coach training. In about a year and a half, I am going to be a certified coach. Not sure what that is going to look like, but I feel that it is a step in the right direction.

On the one hand, I’m excited to try something new and learn new skills that won’t just be valuable for a new career, but also for my own personal growth. On the other hand, I’m terrified that I may have chosen a career that may not support my family. Becoming self-employed is a risk, but then again, so is being employed by a company. Nothing is ever really guaranteed.

It’s hard to believe there are more days behind me than in front of me on this journey of self-love. As I look back, I feel that I have learned a lot about myself and what I want in my life. I’ve given myself permission to be flawed, to listen to my inner voice, and to trust my heart, and to walk my path even when it feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Looking forward, I can see there is still so much I need to learn, but I am optimistic about my future. There are only 46 more days left on this journey, and even if it is just a few lines, I am going to write something on every one of these remaining days.

I’ve just started my coach training, and I have a couple months before I start teaching again. There’s no telling what could happen between now and day 365, but I have a feeling it’s going to be great!

Day 15 10:30PM

Reclaiming My Bliss with Oh Wonder

Recently, I discovered a duet called Oh Wonder. They are a British singer-song writer duet and their songs are so soulful. I discovered them while watching “People Are Awesome” videos on YouTube. One of the videos was set to their song “White Blood.” I searched for them immediately after watching the video and fell in love. Every one of their songs is uplifting or moving in some way even the really somber ones. Every one of them compels me to dance as if I am a marionette.

I find myself swaying or dancing to their songs while I’m washing dishes, or feeding the baby, or cleaning the house. Every time I feel complete bliss.

This evening was magical. I was in the living room dancing to their album when my daughter joined me. It was during “Landslide” and we just started moving in step. We were completely in sync without saying a word. When the song faded to “White Blood,” we started choreographing our dance telling each other what we wanted the other to do. Sometimes I led and other times she led. It was a moment of pure joy with my darling little girl.

When I dance, I am completely in the moment. I immerse myself in the music, my body moving of its own accord, and I become the music, moving in ways that I could never do if I was conscious of what I was doing.

Reclaiming my bliss is taking the good with the bad, accepting myself whether I am happy, giddy, annoyed, stern, sweet, short tempered, or patient. Dancing in my living room with my little girl swaying along with me without skipping a beat was pure bliss. Thank you Oh Wonder and all the artists out there who put their hearts and souls into their music. Your songs elucidate the dark spaces in my life, and remind me of who I am and that I can be completely joyful. You make it easy for me to be in the moment.

And to you, dear reader, may you find moments of pure bliss where ever that may be and how ever you might get there.